i want another camera. specifically, an 8mm video camera. i don't do video. i'm probably no good at it, but i want one. i also want to start doing linoleum prints. i haven't done one since high school but i think i'm going to make that happen soon. it's so much easier than screen printing. although i won't stop screen printing. i just need to find a new space in which to do it.

i might go to new hampshire to visit the love of my life soon. oh, and also to talk about trannies with some high school kids. i haven't seen said love of my life since i was a senior in high school and still a girl, so i think it's about time we catch up. i'll never forget the amazing times we had in middle school when she was teaching me algebra. math has never been so much fun.

my kitten looks so damn cute right now. i just want to rub my face in his soft kitten fur, but that would wake him up. i may do it anyway. he kept getting in the attic in my new house and getting all dirty in the dust up there. he's now black, white and grey. the boy needs to clean himself.

i'm finally all settled into my house. for the most part. my room is all put together at least. the living and dining rooms are coming together little by little. and by that i mean we have a futon frame with no mattress and this incredible, ugly grandpa chair. seriously, it's divine. it's a putrid green color, not nearly soft enough, and the fabric is kind of rough, but i love it all the same. it reclines and was only $10. thanks salvation army. you done good.

i start training at apple on saturday. i'm pretty excited. i haven't had a real job in almost a year. i mean, i suppose working for my grandmother is kind of a real job. who am i kidding? it's totally not. but yeah, apple. i get to be geeky and talk computers all day and also get a pretty decent discount on things. perfection.

i'm almost done with my knitting project. for what it is, i should be done by now, but there was a good chunk of time in which i didn't work on it. after this i'm going to start a hat with this violently bright lime green color. or possibly lime green AND blue. scratch that. i think my first hat should be one color. i shouldn't push it. dammit. i just found out that i don't know where my lime green yarn is. i suppose i'll have to make the hat this orange color that i forgot i had. for some reason i can't see making an all blue hat. i'm not sure why. thoughts?

i just opened up my favorite jar to sip on some water and a bit splashed out onto my computer. it's okay, but it was scary.

i'm liking how my hair is looking these days. i definitely need a trim, but the whole style thing that's happening is good for me. also, with regards to hair, i'm growing my mustache out for the month of november. and by that i mean i'm going to continue not shaving my mustache. and would probably continue to do so even if it wasn't the unofficial don't-shave-your-mustache month.

i've found my new favorite bar in town. and my favorite regionally brewed beer-in-a-can. nothing will ever come close to natty boh, but narragansett is pretty great.

i think i'm preforming at a show next week. to a backstreet boys song. i've never done top 40 type songs before, so it should be interesting. every week at this bar (club?) in town there's a drag contest, so there could potentially be money in it too. thank you, land of lesbians, you could potentially be buying me gas and cigarettes for the next few weeks.

i'm going to be sitting for another gender-related photo session soon. this guy posted something in the ftm community on lj today and it turns out he goes to school in hartford which is only an hour away, so he's going to come up here some weekend and take pictures of me. my goal is to one day sit for amos mac and make it into original plumbing magazine. we'll see. if he's ever in new york i would totally make the trip down there. or boston. or anywhere relatively close, really.

on november 21st the most epic game of football ever will be taking place. team tranny vs. team butch. i believe there's going to be a fashion contest during half time. thus far most of our practices have consisted of playing catch and yelling football as obnoxiously as possible. today we scrimmaged and from the looks of things, the game is going to be one big shit show. but it will be the best shit show of all time.

i think i'm done writing now. onto the pictures.

in order of topics discussed:

i've officially moved

and now i get this every day.




more on this topic later. now, it's dinner time.

a few thoughts on the word tranny from a tranny

i'm in tucson for idke. i'm fucking exhausted. the time change really screwed me over. not only am i now in mountain time, but arizona is the only state that doesn't change their clocks for day light saving so instead of being two hours behind east coast time, i'm three. it's killing me right now. yet for some reason i'm still taking the time to write this. i wanted to write about how wonderful tucson is thus far, but i think that may have to wait for tomorrow. i'm too tired to go into it right now. i did, however, want to share this:

http://community.livejournal.com/ftm/5905824.html

it's a discussion that's taking place in the ftm community on livejournal about the use of the word tranny. specifically tranny being listed in the group's interests. it also goes into a conversation briefly about the word dyke being used in the interests as well. i really want to throw my two cents into the conversation, but i know how a lot of these guys operate, and i really don't have the desire to argue with a bunch of people on the internet right now. i have too much to do in real life. anyway, as a result of not wanting to argue, i'm going to throw my two cents in here.

the word tranny by folks other than transwomen is a highly debated topic in trans communities. many say that it's not our word to reclaim. many say that they hate it. one guy on the link i posted said that they only use it to describe the "more miserable and hurtful portions of this experience." and that's fair. everyone uses different words to describe their own experiences and identities. that's not something that people should question. what kills me about this whole discussion is that no one who has posted comments has even considered those who actually LIKE the word tranny, and use it to identify themselves. like me, for instance. there's all this talk about voting to take it off of the interests without even considering the fact that there could be someone out there who could be offended by it being removed.

i personally love the word. i think it describes me well. to me, it seems to add a bit of gayness to my trans identity. not that i need anymore gayness added to my life, but still. i understand that it has historically been used against transwomen and i have done my best to not use the word around people who may be offended by it. if i'm talking with someone i don't know well enough to know their feelings on the word, i ask if it would make them uncomfortable for me to use it. or just don't use it at all. if folks i don't know are in earshot, i try my best not to use it. or at least to say it quietly. and in a way, that's me censoring my own identity. but i don't mind, because it's out of respect for those who have been oppressed by the word. i do, however, mind people making me feel like shit for using a word that they don't necessarily agree with to describe myself.

i really do wish that i had the energy to post a comment. perhaps i will and just keep it simple. nothing personal. just a statement about considering those who use the word to identify themselves. i just can't take the handful of people over there that will fight to the death in order to get their way.

i also wanted to touch on the brief dyke discussion that took place in the comments, but i don't think that i can bring myself to write anymore.

i really just wish that people could respect each other. respect peoples' identities. respect their boundaries when it comes to things, in this case words, that may be triggering or offensive. respecting people in general. i don't understand why it's such a hard concept for some people to grasp. especially within marginalized groups. ugh. can someone explain this to me?

okay i'm done. i can't think anymore. it's 449am in the time zone that i'm currently used to. i'm smoking a cigarette and going to bed.


TRANNY out.

i went to see the avett brothers the other night. the show was sold out so it was packed. there were a lot more dude bros there than expected. it was kind of sick. i hate it when bands that i like get big. granted i've only been listening to the gorgeous brothers for like ten months, but still. it's annoying. as i was sitting on the stairs watching the show i overheard a ridiculous convo between one of said dude bros and some girl who looked like she could be in a sorority. it went something like this:

dude bro: hi i'm [whatever his name is].
girl: i'm erin.
db: is that erin with an e or an a?
g: an e.
db: oh right, cause with an a would make you a dude and that would suck.
g: yeah. well, maybe it would be cool for like a week.
db: but then you'd be all hairy like a guy.
g: but i'd have a penis!

it was painful to listen to. i'm glad it didn't go on any longer than it did. the feisty tranny in me would've been forced to speak up and talk to them about what it's like to live in a different gender. for twenty years. that's a lie. i wouldn't have said anything. but i would've thought about it a lot. it amazes me the shit that straight guys come up with when trying to hit on girls. i'm surprised any of them get laid ever.

so back to the avett brothers. they were so damn good. it was definitely one of the best shows i've ever been to, which i think is saying a lot. i was tempted to drive up to philly the next day to see them again, but i really don't have the money for that kind of thing. they didn't play the two songs off of their most recent album that i think everyone was expecting them too, one of which is the title track. i would've loved to have heard them, but i appreciate that they didn't play just what people were expecting. i'm pretty sure this is my current favorite song from the new record:



i should really thank bf1/gf1 for introducing me to them. consider this me doing that now.

a bunch of my friends and i screen printed for three hours last night. it was pretty wonderful. we didn't fuck up the screen at all, which is always an accomplishment with us and produced somewhere around 75 patches and printed 10 or so tote bags that someone had made.



pardon the shitty picture. it says gender justice on it. anyway, we drank beer and got messy and it was wonderful. i'm totally ready to move, but i am going to miss baltimore. i'm trying to hang out with everyone as much as possible while still having me time and time to pack and whatnot. tucson will be a good chance for me to hang out with a lot of my friends but then there are those who aren't going. as it is right now, i get back from tucson next monday morning and move approximately 48 hours later. a lot of that time is going to be spent packing i think. who knows. i'll make it all work somehow.

there are probably more things that i could say right now, but they're not coming to me at the moment and i'm already late for my hot friend-date with remy. more later. probably re: moving with my cat since those are pretty much the biggest things in my life right now. who am i kidding? marx is ALWAYS the biggest thing in my life. the biggest and fluffiest.

ALSO! i just bid on this on ebay:



it's a wham! bandana. i better win it. i probably will. seriously, who else would bid on that?

okay NOW i'm done. tranny out.

one day i will write something exciting

i'm back in baltimore. the drive was hellish as usual. not as bad as last time though since i decided to just suck it up and pay the tolls instead of adding 45 minutes and a tour of princeton to my route. it was a good choice. i realized that it costs almost twice as much in tolls to get up there as it does to get back. these are the boring things i think about when i drive.

i shaved my beard today. i'm not sure how i feel about it. it's been quite a while. i put up such a fit last time i did it, but that may have been because i was told that i needed to. apparently scabies medicine doesn't always work on facial hair. or something like that. this is what a scabie looks like, for the record:



anyway, i can't decide how i feel about not having a beard. i kept the mustache and sweet sideburns, so that helps a little bit.



i kind of look like a tool in that picture. oh well.

as i was driving home from rehearsal today i remembered that i had a lovely beer in my fridge. it pretty much made my night. the other thing that will make my night is finishing season three of friday night lights. tim riggins + beer = perfect evening.

lastly, because i promised pictures of my cat

i hate the word blog

this is my new blog. i hate that word. here you will find me writing about various events that happen in my life and posting pictures that correspond with said events. it will be amazing. perhaps only if you know me though. so let's start.

this past week i've been in massachusetts. in said week i:

- found an amazing apartment. complete with a huge back yard, cat and adorable puppy.
- went to nana's in the birkshires



- played a few mean rounds of bananagrams. some of my words included vagina, vaginal, jugz, bj and jiz.



- went to the most overwhelmingly wonderful yarn store ever and bought even more yarn that i don't need yet.
- bought super butch boots




- got to kick it with this grrl a lot



i've done many more things in the week that i've been here, but these events are the ones that stick out right now. in the coming weeks i will be in tucson with a bunch of queers and then back in massachusetts, this time for good. expect more pictures soon. many of which will probably include my cat.

i leave you all with this: